Five...Well, Three rules for a Happy Life

This Christmas, my mom gave every single member of my family a copy of "Shatner Rules", William Shatner's latest auto-biography. It was an actually surprisingly hilarious octogenarian's look back on his fabulous life. It's filled with anecdotes ranging from Hitch-hiking around the U.S., riding into his Friar's Club Roast on a Horse, and getting his underwear stolen by a crazed fan at a Trekkie convention. Throughout are sprinkled the rules that he followed to make him the awesome guy that he is today.

 My opinion of William Shatner has increased significantly since I read his book, but when I think of what a happy life looks like to me, William Shatner is not the person who comes to mind.

 My grandmother, Esther Joy, or Tutu, as I call her will be 89 in February. I know it will be 89, because in 2003, I had to talk my way onto 2 airplanes and get picked up by my dad the next state over because I missed my flight to her 80th birthday party after a few two many red cups full of jungle juice at a party the night before. But, I digress...

 I happened to be reading "Shatner Rules" while lying awake on an air-mattress in my grandparents' condo in Western PA. I looked around at all the photos of friends and loved ones and clippings of family successes and poetry and art, and it dawned on me. Why had I never, in all of my years, asked my grandmother what her rules for a happy life are?

 So, the next morning, I asked her, "What are 5 rules you've followed in your life that have helped you be happy?" She had to sit down for that one, but once she did, the first three came pretty quickly.

1. Be there.

2. Go with the flow.

3. Don't sweat it. Any of it.

Now, commencement speeches, motivational audio-books, and embroidered pillows have been telling us this forever, but, despite many of those luminaries and motivational speakers who always seem to have overcome anger-management problems, suffered through divorces and estrangements, conquered substance abuse, climbed over everyone to the top of their fields, or cheated death to be able to say these things with such certainty, Tutu has just lived her life that way.

It's all about being present, saying yes to the opportunities that come along, and having the faith and patience to know everything will be ok. When she graduated from high school, College wasn't even in the cards for her. She worked at the telephone company. But when a family friend tipped her off to a nursing scholarship, she said, "Yes," applied, and got it, which sent her into a whole new direction that she never could have anticipated.

When my grandfather, whom she had met while in nursing school, asked her to marry him, right before shipping off to the Philippines during the Korean War, she said, "Yes." A week later they were married, they spent their honeymoon driving cross country, and then he shipped off and he didn't see her for a year. But, she was patient, and then took six different planes from Buffalo, NY to Manila to be with my grandfather. The two of them have been married for over six decades and remain best friends to this day.

Tutu listens without judgment. Her advice is always, "Follow your heart." Never any instructions or prescriptions, just "Trust."

She has friends that would do anything for her. When we arrived at her house for Christmas, her dining room table was littered with Christmas-y tins full of home-made fudge and cookies and sponge candy that friends that she's had for 50 and 60 years are still bringing to her.

Even now, when she's not as mobile as she once was---she won't be taking any planes to southeast Asia anytime soon---she finds Joy in the most simple of pleasures, like white wine with ice-cubes and keeping tabs on the boats on Lake Erie from her balcony.

 After the first three rules, Tutu had gotten distracted and I thought she had forgotten about the question, but after a little conversation with my brother who was tidying up the living room and commenting on the good smell coming from the kitchen making breakfast, she pointed at me and said, "Oh, I thought of the last two rules!":

4. Make sure to have big kids and grandkids who can cook and clean for you.

5. Always wait til everyone else gets up before you get out of bed.

I had to laugh at that. Oh how I wish I could follow those rules right now... But, if you think about it, those aren't so much rules as the rewards you reap by following the first 3. Tutu's no William Shatner, but if you follow her rules, I think you'll like what happens.